– Sometimes, he appears in my dreams. Not like I was dreaming about him, more like… my dreams are some kind of weird movie and he always has some roles to play. I don’t know why, things between us ended many years ago. Do I miss him that much? Or… You know, they have a theory, they said when someone had too much feelings for you, they would appear in your dream.
– …
– I know what you’re going to say, “It’s just your illusion since you still have some feelings for him” right? What can I say?
– …
– What happened between us? Nothing… I just ran away, I mean, … I left everything behind unfolded and pretend I have gotten over it. I already told you once, I’m just a wimp.
– …
– Like all wimps, I was scared. Don’t get me wrong here. Honestly, he never mistreated me, showing up when I was in trouble or just lonely, sharing my interests and didn’t mind my messy life…
– …
– It’s just… One day, I asked myself “How are you?” and there was no reply. To be with him, I traded myself for someone else, some kind of lazily written characters. Maybe it was the fatal fault in my core. No matter how often I say I don’t like human, I’m still one of them. As Aristotle once said, “Man is by nature a social animal” so we only feel safe when we belong to some groups, some places or some people. Regardless of my hatred for humanity, I have every of its carved deeply inside me. So, whenever I have an interest in someone, I pretend to be the type of person that I thought they would like which turned out to be the type they dislike the most.
– …
– I know. Despite my best effort, I can’t afford the ability to understand people.
– …
– I know they hate me. I don’t have that many friends so it was very hard for me to… let some of them go, out of my life.
– …
– Maybe you’re right. “He” may represent for a profound desired of mine, a part of me that yearns for human touch, a part that wants to shake off all the excessive and self-created burden on my soul, a part that wants to belong to the beautiful world out here… a part that doesn’t want to be lonely… Is that what you want? Be free?
– …
– Help me.
– …
– Erasing myself? I wish.
The end?
Gác Nhỏ Của Lam 